{"id":70,"date":"2014-10-28T02:35:35","date_gmt":"2014-10-28T02:35:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.williamtipper.com\/?p=70"},"modified":"2014-10-28T02:38:39","modified_gmt":"2014-10-28T02:38:39","slug":"bird-eating-tarantula-and-giant-centipede-are-friends","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.williamtipper.com\/?p=70","title":{"rendered":"Bird-Eating Tarantula and Giant Centipede Are Friends"},"content":{"rendered":"

With apologies to Arnold Lobel<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

Bird-Eating Tarantula<\/strong> was walking through the forest, looking for birds to eat. Lurking on the damp underside of a rock, reading a book, he found his friend, Giant Centipede.<\/p>\n

\"Tarantula\u201cHello, Bird-Eating Tarantula\u201d said Giant Centipede, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m trying to find something to eat,\u201d said Bird-Eating Tarantula, \u201cbut this forest doesn\u2019t seem to have any food in it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Giant Centipede put down his book and scuttled out from under the rock. \u201cWhat about the guinea fowl chicks that I saw just behind those fallen trees?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bird-Eating Tarantula sighed. \u201cTheir mother is too big and strong. She pecks at me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Giant<\/a>They walked along for a while until they came to the edge of a reedy marsh. \u201cLook, Bird-Eating Tarantula,\u201d said Giant Centipede, \u201cThere are some eggs lying in a nest of mud!\u201d<\/p>\n

Bird-Eating Tarantula nearly tripped over his eight long, hairy legs as he ran to look, but then he came back, crestfallen. \u201cThose are the Caiman\u2019s eggs,\u201d he moaned. \u201cTheir leathery shells are far too tough for my fangs. And their mother is even bigger and fiercer than the guinea fowl!\u201d<\/p>\n

Just then a small green frog hopped out of the reeds, and Giant Centipede killed it with venom. \u201cWould you like to share this frog with me?\u201d he asked Bird-Eating Tarantula politely.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat, a frog?\u201d said Bird-Eating Tarantula with surprise. \u201cOh, no, I couldn\u2019t possibly eat that \u2014 amphibians don\u2019t agree with me at all!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell then,\u201d said Giant Centipede, after rapidly digesting the frog, \u201cwe will find something you will like.\u201d<\/p>\n

They walked through the forest, but everywhere they turned, the creatures were either too large, like the capybara, or else too chitinous, like the giant locusts, for Bird-Eating Tarantula. \u201cWhat about these enormous, blind earthworms?\u201d said Giant Centipede. \u201cThey are too soft to put up a fight and they are very tasty, like a nice pudding!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"TarantulaBut Bird-Eating Tarantula only turned away with a shudder. “That’s\u2026sorry, Giant Centipede, but worms are disgusting<\/em>. \u00a0I mean, basically they’re just one big long intestine.” \u00a0 \u00a0So Giant Centipede ate all the worms himself.<\/p>\n

Soon they arrived back at the rock, and now Bird-Eating Tarantula saw his friend\u2019s unfinished book. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Giant Centipede,\u201d said Bird-Eating Tarantula. \u201cYou have been trying to help me but nothing in this forest seems to do. I am a bad Tarantula and a bad friend.\u201d He wiped away tears with the spiny, weaponized hairs on his forelegs, which made him feel worse.<\/p>\n

Giant Centipede thought for a moment. \u201cBird-Eating Tarantula, maybe there\u2019s a way that you can help me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bird-Eating Tarantula moaned, \u201cHow? You\u2019ve already found many good things to eat!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d said Giant Centipede, \u201cbut I am so full of frogs and earthworms and locusts and that baby capybara I ate that I feel sluggish. I need some exercise.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat kind of exercise?\u201d asked Bird-Eating Tarantula.<\/p>\n

\"Giant<\/a>\u201cI was thinking,\u201d said Giant Centipede, \u201cThat if I threaten the guinea fowl\u2019s chicks, she will chase me and I will have to run oh so fast to get back under my rock. But she might catch me. Unless\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026Unless she has to run back because I am eating all of her babies?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, Bird-Eating Tarantula. Because you will be eating all of her babies. And then you will come back to my rock and I will read to you from my book.\u201d<\/p>\n

And that is just what they did.<\/p>\n

[Ed. Note: Please imagine here that I have drawn a lovely picture, in the manner of Arnold Lobel, of Giant Centipede and Bird-Eating Tarantula reading together.]<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

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